The Third Door

I am late for, almost a week for putting up this post on the election result as what I had promised. People already sending their regards about the result. I made it to a point not to publicize the news as I never feel comfortable being in the center of attention. I am trying my very best to make myself sounds strong, cutting away all the emotions and thoughts apart. Apparently I failed and here I am, sharing every bit that I think I can have no reserve.

Minutes ago I was watching AIESEC Malaysia second round MC VP election candidate video. It reminded me 3 weeks ago I was doing exactly the same thing. Capturing and sending the video link to someone who I only know the name but the person. For God knows who is going to watch the video, I have nothing to expect and no party to please.

I just be myself the entire election this time around.

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I was told on 22nd the result will be announced. I guessed those who are elected will be informed through email. I waited the whole day feeling butterflies in the stomach even when I was in class, constantly holding the iPod and pressing the refresh button. The only thing I could do was hoping every time the newly arrived unread mail was originated from An, the MCP elect, who was then attending International President Meet in Tunisia.

No I didn’t. My mailbox was full with unread mails from everywhere everyone but her. I succumbed to fatigue and I slept early that day.

I guess that is just another excuse for me to disguise my anxiousness and deny the disappointment. I slept in early.

Thinking back, the entire selection process wasn’t as tough as the one I had in Singapore. Not that the question in the application is easier or anything, it’s just that you always do things better in second time. Third time or forth.

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But like how I told Chloe, the pressure and stress I had in AIESEC Vietnam MC election is in nowhere lesser that the one I had in Singapore. First off, it wasn’t an easy attempt for me, considering running as an international candidates, which normally favours those with national level experience. Based solely on the application package and Skype interview, I knew I had to do a DAMN good job in both of them. It’s always with those strong believe that I hold on, though it fades every single day I need to wait, keeps me on track.

Putting that fact aside, there’s something else causes me to think really thorough about making the decision. I think the biggest challenge I am facing all this while is me, myself. No body else tell me what should I do in the future but when you are in this age, the feeling of getting financial and job security, making investment in personal property; or simply the feeling of “settle down” just come. It come adding the weight to one side of the balance, biased to the one we call “social norm”. I am born a rebel and opportunist but when reality kicks in, you can longer ignore that internal dialog that gets stronger everyday. It gets so strong that whatever belief about the organization instantly swiped away like dust. I’d chosen not to think about the decision until the day I got to know the result.

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Unlike that time in Singapore where my name had not been called the entire night, I got the answer the other day, on 23rd. Scrolling fast to the main point without hesitation, the only thing in my mind was:” TELL ME THE ANSWER!”.

Yes, I am in the team!

What comes after is rather unexpected, it’s the fear and confusion. The uncertainties and ignorance about the destination makes the entire situation even worst.

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It took me another couple of days to really figure out how to make this decision. But I have decided firmly now, that I am ready to take up the role as MC VP Comm and Project in AIESEC in Vietnam. The reason is simple:

I’ve not been doing something on my own decision and interest for the pass 18 years of education. I think I deserve a year off from my routine life, and spend it on exploring more opportunities and building my character.

And lastly I would really like to thank all those who wrote me endorsement letters, those who tirelessly answered my questions in emails, those who care about this entire endeavors, those who keeps asking me how’s everything, or simply those who follows this blog to keep themselves updated. I know who you are!

Nothing much I can promise but to make this a completely fulfilling journey of mine. I am not going to waste a year so I will never let myself to have a single thing to regret about.

Ho Chi Minh here I come!